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I just off the phone with my pretend employer, since in their own words I am not their employee, technically speaking of course. They offered me a new client to work on, yet another programming gig. The gist of the job is to run a hentai version of youtube. Yes, yet another adult youtube wannabe joins the bandwagon. I'll be using a youtube script already prefabricated. All I need to do is to install and maintain the script; also to upload supplemental content, and by this I mean hentai videos. I might have to re-encode some videos also which may pose a new reason for me to upgrade my box again... oh no! But the best perk I like is that they'll be sponsoring my internet connection for the uploads, which is supposed to be a 5mbit DSL connection, which is so cool! I'm getting kinda excited already ^^. The pay isn't bad either, if everything goes well, it will pay more than the other client I am working for at the moment.

Before I get ahead of myself, this is nothing but speculations and/or promises until proven otherwise. I mean it is best to limit your expectations so you don't get disappointed. In simpler terms: Don't count your eggs before they hatch. I still have my reservations on the job, but practicality dictates otherwise. I'll just wait and see how things unfold in the coming days, I guess.

After the long line at the SSS office, waiting for their internet connection to get back online so they can validate my account, and several months of waiting... My ID has finally arrived *rejoices*.. Hooray for me! Their system is confusing. Despite the SSS being computerized and being backed up by an enterprise grade database server (Oracle), the implementation is flaky to say the least. I'm thinking along the lines of budget cuts made under the table if you catch my drift. The system is down almost 35% of the time when you try to log on online; and their satellite offices rely a public internet access point with a user login interface to connect to the main servers.

It's very depressing since we, the tax payers, paid for such systems and barely get half of the benefits such systems should provide. They flaunt ads on the e-service of government agencies which are just ruses for personal monetary goals. How do they expect people especially the younger generation to be honest tax payers if we don't see nor feel any incentives from the government?

Another depressing part about the SSS ID adventure I had is getting the prize itself, in this case the ID card. The card is made out of thin PVC plastic with a lousy print job. I get better ID cards from food establishments for free, but with the government I get this sorry excuse of an ID card.

Well, it would be pointless to continue rambling about corruption in the Philippines, at the very least the SSS ID card will serve its purpose as a means of Identification. No matter what angle I look at it, I can look at the glass half full with my previous remark since the contents of the glass barely made a quarter.

Hola mina san!! sashiburi ne!? Just coming out of my slump and to cap everything I just got a bad case of flu a few days back with a matching sore throat. Well, I am still under that depressing state but I'm getting out of it bit by bit. It just can't be helped. There are times that it becomes unavoidable and you just immerse yourself in it and just let it ride. Maybe in the future I'll look into taking anti-depressants or something, since my episodes keep progressing each time.

Anyway, I got my new 32 inch LCD display, which is cool. As great as it is to have a huge display, it does little for my eyes. It made reading easier but my eyes still become sore, and they still hurt just like before. So I guess it's futile to think I can make a serious career out of computers in the long run. I'm trying to think of other ways to earn a living yet again. Though it's kinda hard to be serious about anything when you're depressed.

I also tried looking for a new hobby to keep myself busy but I ended up getting a gaming console which is still related to computers, which totally defeats the purpose of me getting a new hobby. So I have to look for a new one, something not related to computers... maybe something that can help me improve on my communication skills. But let's face it my options are kinda limited as it is.

Amidst my efforts I am barely making any progress lately which is already depressing in itself. I wish that fact would cancel itself with the other fact that I am chronically depressed, like in math, were double negatives becomes a positive.

With that said, I guess I'll end it here and grab something for lunch. I wanna get well and get back to working out. Maybe working out a good sweat for a couple of hours each day may help me get back on track.

No, not water but criticism, from no other than but my immediate family. Why you ask? I guess it was a question on priorities on my part. I am planning on getting a bigger monitor for my computer which has a significant price tag, and they are questioning my decision on doing so, sighting that I should save money for my kid and all that. It's not like I am asking money from them. The idea just happened to slip out and they overheard it through the grape vine.

Normally I'd justify my reasons but I've grown tired of repeating myself to people who'll never understand my situation. They won't understand the hardships of being handicapped and the hoops you have to jump in and out of just to keep up with normal folk. The important thing right now is for me to continue what I am doing for my kid's sake and mine as well. The only jobs I can do effectively at the moment are with computers, and even that is becoming hard each day since my eyesight is perpetually degrading.

Moral support would be nice but isn't required. I am thankful with the monetary support my family gives me. There are just those days that I just don't wanna hear it. So instead I'll just enter this log into my journal in advance, in preparation of the badgering to come once I make my purchase. I'll have my reprieve once I install the new monitor and look at the BIG screen.

I started using Google analytics yesterday in the hopes of learning a bit more on SEO (Search Engine Optimization). A friend of mine said that Google crawls your site faster or more frequently if you use it. I guess it's one of the perks of the service.

I also fixed a CSS bug on IE6 and later which didn't show the themes menu, and the sub menu didn't scroll with the page. Yes, even after the site is done, IE6 still haunts you to bend over backwards for it.

The nominees for the Philippine web awards have been released last week, unofficially. There wasn't a link on their page for the nominees page until now but a friend of mine managed to stumble upon it. The turn out was the same as in the previous years with the extension for nominations and all that. I saw several sites I thought would win last year that didn't in these years awards. I do hope those sites win this time around.

My significant other said to add more content, since most of her peers recommended adding more "media" to spice things up. Well I don't wanna post random clips from Youtube or from other sites if the content isn't mine originally. I don't wanna put stuff here just for the sake of putting it. I prefer things simple, laid back, and as much as possible original.

Anyway the thoughts I was supposed to type in just flew the coop. So I guess I'll hit the sack and try posting more pertinent things the next time around... hopefully sooner than later.

I just finished working out and taking a shower when my grand mother springs out this lecture about life on me just as I was exiting the bathroom. Needless to say I didn't like what I heard. I mean who likes to be lectured, right? But this is one of the those things one must bare when living under somebody else's roof. I'm cool with the fact that she lectures me from time to time. I guess it was the timing of today's episode which struck a nerve. Her words and tone of voice portrayed me as if I wasn't doing anything and as if I was contributing to the problem... Despite this I just nodded in agreement.

She's helped me a whole lot despite her snide remarks at times. Sometimes I get to think that, that is her way of telling me that she's tired of it, which I totally have no qualms about. I won't deny it. I do need all the help I can get. And the ironic thing about this is, Perry... the last person I thought would help is the only one aside from my grand mother helping me right now. Though it may only be in a monetary form it is definitely better than nothing.

The thing I need most right now is moral support. I guess, I haven't have that in quite a long time now, especially from the people who are close to me, or so I think. I am starting to solve my financial problems bit by bit, but I still have a long way to go with my emotional endeavours. Maybe that's why I can't stop myself from buying electronic gadgets... it keeps me preoccupied and gives me a sense of something new in my life.

They say knowing the problem is a step towards the solution. I guess knowing that you are chronically depressed is a good thing. It's just a matter of coping with it. Thankfully I have this journal to listen to my thoughts for free ^^v.

Before anything else, I wanna greet my daughter yz a happy birthday, since today marks her 3rd month of existence. Though she looks more like a 5 month old baby heh.

It's been some time sine my last entry, I almost forgot I had a journal ^^v. Nothing much has changed since my last post, progress is slow on all fronts. Though my pet project is nudging forward bit by bit. Am also getting back m drive to exercise, been working out for the passed few days now. I'm trying to lay off the caffeine, since it makes me so lazy. As much as I want to drink some pop right now I'm restraining myself; it's hard enough being unproductive for a long time, I don't wanna add to it by getting my sleeping pattern messed up again.

The passed few days of rain were good, it felt like it washed away a bit of my depression and slump I was experiencing. It has been forecast to rain until Friday so that should be enough time for me to get off this unfortunate situation I am in.

Been waiting on the confirmation from media gateway, I deposited 250 bucks in their bank account as an entry fee to the Philippine web awards. It's been 2 weeks and still no word from them, we tried calling them and they said they'd send me a confirmation email... but still no email. So I'm gonna give up on the notion that I'll be able to join this year's Philippine web awards, or future Philippine web awards for that matter. I wouldn't be surprised if I receive an email from them after the nomination period ends stating that I didn't make the cut... or receive any email for that matter ^^v. I was telling my significant other that I should have just bought 10 bottles of pop with the 250 bucks.

Well pointless crying over spilled milk, it's time to focus on positive things. August should be an interesting month, I'll be launching my pet project, and I have several prospective jobs lined up. Christmas is just around the corner, I'm so excited to spend it with my daughter, and I'll finally have a reason to buy myself a play station 3... Who said only kids get to play ^^. With that said I shall take my leave for now and catch you guys later.

I've been on a major slumped this passed few days. It's so hard to get anything done; working out has been a chore the past week and my creativity level is at an all time low. I wonder if this has something to do with the weather or just some chemical imbalance thing going on in my brain...

Anyway I got crackin' on the new design for my next project, which took longer than it should, mainly because of procrastinating, and the perpetual act of bending over backwards for Internet Explorer. Fuck it! I do hope they look up the term "standards" in the dictionary sometime soon. *doesn't hold his breathe* Though for web developers it is a necessary bane since the majority of internet surfers still use this god forsaken peace of shit they call a browser. So I just try to take it in strides.

I have yet to come up with a codename for my new project. All I can say that it is more of a social engineering project on my part. The design and hosting are all taken care of. All that is left is to actually code the thing. I expect this to be complete by the mid of August, or end of August at the latest.