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If you have to much money on your hands, no one to text or just wanna help me out please vote for my site in the Philippine Web Awards through SMS. Before I go any further, each vote you cast via SMS will set you back 2.50PHP; you can cast as many votes as you want. To do so type in:

WEBBYS VOTE 83

Send it to 210 for SMART subscribers and 2973 for GLOBE subscribers. If your vote was successful you should receive a confirmation text, which should read something like "Thank you for voting for Project Typecast" ....yada yada.

Consequently you can also vote online by going to the Philippine Web Awards site, register, then cast your vote, this is free, but a bit of a hassle. For those who are willing and to those who did vote for me, I really appreciate it and thank you. Know that you have help some random guy and made yet another company richer via their SMS profits.

I am starting to look like my wall! OMFG!!111oneone eleven. I'm stuck in my room 90% of the time because of my job. Yes, the life of a programmer is a lonely and mundane one to choose, but I personally think it chose me. The good thing about it is I still get to work out even though I am in my room for the most part, I also get to earn a living without stepping foot outside my current residence. I hate the commute to and fro the office especially on rush hours, add to that that I am an introvert. Maybe that explains my resemblance to my wall lol.

Anyway I am beginning to to understand the dynamics of what I want in life thanks to this article I read here:

THE SEX & CASH THEORY

he creative person basically has two kinds of jobs: One is the sexy, creative kind. Second is the kind that pays the bills. Sometimes the task in hand covers both bases, but not often. This tense duality will always play center stage. It will never be transcended.

I plan to keep this under my pillow so to speak. only Buddha nows how much I like my current job *ack!*, but it pays the bills. It is somewhat a hard pill to swallow at the moment but I'm getting there. Hopefully this pans out for me and open new doors towards the career path I want to tread.

The best example I can think of at the moment is Perry, he does his art works on weekends and manages to sell a few and maybe lay a few *wink* but on week day he's a chef at a gallery and restaurant in Manhattan, New York. So in a way I derive some sort of inspiration from him.

I was trying to keep a low profile at my current job only to realize that my efforts were in vain. It stems from the fact that I have become to presumptuous and trusting; I failed to realize where people's loyalties belong and have clouded my judgment. Personally I am a bit disappointed with the people involved but I am primarily pissed off at myself for blindly instigating certain conversations with such people. I would want to ponder on what ifs but it would be a waste of time and counter productive.

So now, I am perpetually cautious with my peers especially those who are related to my current job. Perhaps it is a good lesson I should learn by now, and master at that. I will try to choose my words more carefully and scrutinize the people I talk to about certain topics.

Monetary factors may attribute to the events that transpired, but I can only speculate on the real motives. Regardless we are to blame for our own actions.

I'm seriously considering taking lessons on one of my hobbies, which are playing the drums and cooking. I originally wanted to enroll myself in a gym for the second time around, but I decided otherwise since I can workout at home and sustain my build at the current routine I am on now for the past 3 years. Another deterrent was the monthly fees gyms required, about 2500PHP per month... I'd rather spend that money on protein supplements.

Am leaning towards the drums. I wanna be proficient in playing this instrument, and maybe play in a band someday just for fun. Maybe this could also be an outlet where I can meet new people and learn new things about people and myself as well.

Fortunately I have learned something new about myself these past few days. I have learned to control my temper through understanding how a typical office works, and how hierarchy plays a role in office politics. I have come to a conclusion that I am paid to work not to think; There is certainly much more to be gained by being maliciously obedient than expressing concern over one's work or employer. As selfish as this idea may seem it is essential in keeping your sanity and values in tact. Maybe someday I may work with people wherein there would be mutual growth and equality; and where success is not measured by one's finances. Until then I shall try to make the best of the given circumstance and perhaps learn more interesting things.

Another thing I picked up is the fact that people don't want to hear the truth. I often get pissed at my grandmother or some of my close friends when they say that doesn't go along with my beliefs... only to find out today that it is a defense mechanism for not wanting to hear the facts. People would rather lie than tell you the truth in hope of being polite or saving your friendship or whatever reason it may be. As ironic and stupid as it may seem I find it appalling; for starters a real friend should tell you the facts and not white lies. Most of the time people talk behind your back instead of telling you straight forward, then blatantly show you an innocent face once they are in front of you. The sad thing is I thought that this behavior was reserved for kids, unfortunately it grows rampant with age; I guess that's why politics was invented in the first place. So to avoid the madness, I am starting to refrain from giving unsolicited advice and only talk back when talked to. This way I save myself some time and sanity ^^v.

My friends (odat and x) and I acquired a VPS a few days back. IT set us back $300USD which was shared by the 3 of us which roughly amounted to 4500PHP each. Thankfully odat had a credit card, so we opted to use that instead of our original plan or acquiring a debit card.

Currently there is only 1 site hosted on the server, which belongs to me kabuhayangpinoy. I just finished reinstalling the site again since x had to reformat the server. Things are picking up slowly and we hope to gain momentum for our individual and joint project if any. Hopefully I get to put up 2 or more site on the server before the end of the year.

Even if I don't make any money out of this venture it would be a good experience for all the parties involved. Since we got the server 2 days ago I've learned a lot already.

After troubleshooting my b0x for 2 days, I finally narrowed down the suspects... which are my 2 hard drives. I was thinking of any possible reason why my drives would give way simultaneously. Until I asked my significant other if anything happened when I asked her to strip down my box. then she replied with something along the lines of "Yeah one hard drive dropped on top of the other drive while I was unscrewing it.". Initially I was pissed of, until I tried retrieving my data, after a few failed attempts I was furious. As much as I wanted to release my anger it was my fault since I asked her to do it. I should've known better! So i just left the house to vent off some steam.

note to self: If you want something done right, do it yourself

The event seemed to bring back certain thoughts that I didn't entertain a few months back which I am pondering on right now. Personally I'd like not to think about it especially with my current issues with my sources of income, but I can't seem to stop. I can't sleep and everything seems to be bothering me; so I guess I'd just ruminate and try to be productive.

It seems that the entry i made "thinking out loud" is blowing out of proportion; or should I say blew out of proportion. At any rate I decided not to comment on that post any further to save me time. Despite this certain people have trouble dealing with the truth and letting go, and perpetually radiates an aura of stress. People who point out respecting other people's opinions and ethics shouldn't be the one's instigating an argument about other people's opinions; it's just illogical and immature.

I try to keep business and pleasure separate, despite my efforts I guess no one is immune to office politics. Often I loose my cool when people insult my intelligence and my pride, but I take it in strides. I would like to think that I am being pro-active in this particular scenario by not confronting them. It would be a futile attempt in opening closed minds, not to mention a total waste of time if I do so. Experience has taught me that there is no reasoning with these kind of people, they tend to be self absorbed and conceited.

As much as I value my pride I still manage to take it a day at a time. My efforts in branching out to other factions or careers have been dismal, though this past few days have proven to be very motivating. I'll still keep working for them until they deem me unfit for their company, though I couldn't say I'd feel any remorse if they do. The past 2 days showed some promise, a few windows have opened and hopefully one of them would actual translate into something tangible.

Note to self: I think I should implement an anti flaming security check on my website ^^v *visualizes fire bats burning templars (templar rush)*

I just got a new client from work, and for the fourth time i started on the job earlier today. After the first hour of going through the mind numbing job of setting up a youtube clone gaged for the adult audience, specifically the ones with the hentai nitch; I asked myself "What the fuck am I doing!?". The thing that struck me after that thought was that it was pertaining to my working career as a whole. I am basically working for the payday, with no real direction in life. Yeah I have a job, yeah I earn money, more than I need at times, but where does it lead? When I get stressed I buy stuff I don't need to fill the void, only to realize that I blew off my entire month's wages on it. Then the cycle continues until you burn out or you die.

I've always wanted a job that I really wanted to do, not because of the money. I want to leave something behind when I die, something to pass to my daughter, not just meager material things. A purpose driven life to be exact, a life that has a positive impact to the world; In hopes that I could contribute to a better society for my daughter and her children to be.

Lately I have been lost, trying to find the things I actually believe in so I can pursue them. I'm afraid that if I continue on the current path I am on, I won't achieve success. My definition of this is happiness and contentment, outside the bounds of material and monetary returns.

Up to this point, my rant was purely idealism, but what's the point of doing your job when you check your work ethic at the door before starting your shift? Aside from the money is there anything else? You study up to 20 years old or so, so you can work; then you work so you can live on your own, you retire when you're 60... if you're lucky you're still alive and healthy. After which what is there waiting? Wouldn't it be wise to make the best of the journey instead of focusing on the destination? So you have something to look back on and pass on to future generations.

At the moment I am really desperate to find what it is I really want to do in life and get started on it. If I stay any longer in the current state of things I might get sucked into the cycle and just be another cog in the machine, only to regret it in my old days... assuming I'll grow old.