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Not the hentai anime... it's Friends Family Finances. Since I don't have any constructive people to talk to, I'll just post it here for you antonymous people to read. I guess the thought of knowing someone knows what you're going through makes it a bit better... I mean that's what shrinks do, they just listen, this is similar but it's written and free. I tried apologizing to a co-worker/friend of mine the other day, for suddenly dropping of the radar so to speak late last year. I knew that the chances of her talking to me again were slim but I just wanna let her know I was sorry; and to my expectations she ignored my messages. I regret I lost her friendship, but at the same time I had to do certain things which were quite personal. So whether or not she understands is beyond me. To sum it up here's an excerpt from a song "Yeah Whatever by Splender" We don't have to stay friends My girlfriend's giving birth on May, and the expenses are starting to pile up, for vitamins, check-ups, supplements and what not. I told her before that I'd shoulder all the expenses with regards to the kid. But now I find myself irritable, I am trying my best to provide for her pregnancy right now and trying to get ready for my kid, but there are times that I just lose it. Like "what about what I want" which in my situation doesn't apply. Which leads me to my second dilemma, when I'm reminded of how all this began. I don't wanna open a can of worms nor point fingers, all I can say is it takes 2 to tango. In the recent weeks we started having petty squabbles over finances, which I expected. I guess it's part of the territory, but that's the thing, based on what I've seen growing up I already know where this road ends. Personally I think she'd be a good mother, but I know we are ill-equipped to handle this situation. Though are efforts are valiant I don't see much hope. I don't wanna say that it isn't gonna work, rather; it most probably will. I have a renewed respect for married couples and parents living together; because this takes a lot of work and patience. I'm only at the beginning and it's already wearing me thin. Yeah the sex is good, there's companionship and all that but what you give in return is just as challenging. It's hard being self sufficient, I am not the one to talk since I still live under a sponsored roof over my head. It's one thing taking care of yourself, but when you throw a kid into the mix everything goes BOOOOM! ...Not to mention if you have a significant other which is dependent on you. So I ask myself everyday... how the hell do you expect to support yourself and a kid... seriously!?. The pressure is starting to get to me. I haven't finished worrying about getting my own place now I have to worry about diapers, milk, then tuition and all whole 9 yards. Yeah there's my family to help, but they can only give so much and rest is up to me. I am just repeating history; which is worse since I already knew the consequences and how to avoid them; shame on me. I call it a mistake because I know the things that my kid will go through, and it a'int pretty. Yes it teaches character and valuable lessons but it also makes you jaded and leaves you with scars. I guess I know how all this is gonna go down, it's like a re-run on HBO which you just have to watch. The thing I hate most about this is people how give their comments as if they have first hand knowledge on the matter; and sometimes forcing their opinions on you... just like people in movie thaters who tell the story while watching, you just wanna shut them up. |
