I got a new freelance gig from some IT company in Libis last week; it is my first mainstream "paying" project in several years. Though I must say, despite my choice to welcome the challenge I am not as enthusiastic about it as I anticipated myself to be. Things turned out a bit different from what I've assumed them to be, especially winning in the 10th Philippine Web Awards.

It's been my goal in the past to be recognized, garner praises from the internet surfing public, and acquire mainstream projects. Though now that I got a taste of it, it isn't "all that" after all. I like designing and developing web applications, though I do it because I am driven by the idea that I am making something important to me... though lately it's been all about the money.

Now I realize why I am still doing this porn gig and putting up with my employers... the work is relatively easy and the money is fast, and I get more time to spend on things I actually want to do. Lately I've been busy with proposals and what not but I don't feel the passion in doing it. Though i feel passionate towards my other non profit projects because they mean something other than money. I know most people wouldn't understand but life is short, and I want to spend my time doing the things that make me genuinely happy. Even if it means putting up with fucked up employers, odd jobs, and enduring constant insults to my intelligence; if it means I can do the things I love doing then so be it.

My grand mother tells me (on a regular basis) that I don't get along with people, for the most part that is true. The reason being is that I speak what is on my mind; unfortunately most people don't wanna hear the truth, hence my situation. I don't wanna put on a facade for people to like me, I am who I am and there's no changing that. I'd rather have a hand full of friends rather than a neighborhood of acquaintances.

I learned something very important today as well: most of my friends who enjoy their jobs don't have big paychecks. This reinforces the thought that there are still a few people out there who don't slave over money.